I don't want to feel like I need you (english vers)
by LaPetitePersonne
Summary: Everyone fell in love with Sam Dean, one way or another. She should have known that she was not immune herself to the charm, a little broken and terribly brillant, of the girl, the long legs under mini-skirts and high socks, and the playful winks. Mona, who always thought that she was unattainable, was touched right in the heart. (update: I corrected the format which was NOT good)


Hello !

Yeah, so that's my first fanfiction in english. It's actually a translated version of the original but hey I hope it's okay. I don't really know what it's worth in english.

The title is from lyrics of the song Shine by Aminé !

I did a french version if you're interested :D

Hope y'all like it !

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Mona Lisa, whose real name was Mary – but everyone had forgotten that and she was not the one who was going to remind them (except for Barry, R.I.P. Barry) –, Mona knew she was supposed to be sure of herself. She was a confident person, strong and fearless. Except maybe she feared principal Burr because the guy was really deranged and scary… he literally has eaten children. And was convinced he was within his rights to do so. So, yeah, Mona was scared of one thing, at the very best, and it was the principal Burr. But he was dead so we could say that she was not scared of anything.

In any case, she was not scared of Sam Dean and of the terrible possibility that she discovered one day that Mona has become _infatuated_ with her.

It was ridiculous. Absurd.

Mona calculated her acts, calculated her feelings and what she should do with them. Unfortunately, for some times now, her lips burned to answer the smiles Sam gave her and, the night, when she was not on guard, her thoughts tingled because of the memories of the moments of the day spent with Sam. She knew her enough now to hear her voice bounce in her thoughts, to rock her to sleep but at the same time to bewitch her to keep her awake for many hours, eyes glued to the ceiling and cheeks warm of embarrassment and a little sore of the smiles she could not hold back in the darkness of the night.

She should not love Sam. Not because she had internalized her homophobia towards herself or whatever, no, we were in 2020 and in the midst of post-apocalypse, out of question that she exhausted herself doing that. No. The problem was that Sam should have keep being this cliché that Mona had always hated. This perfect girl (white, blond and gorgeous, obviously, Mona was not surprised of the popularity she has immediately acquired, even before being nice with everyone), that everybody loved and who always seemed happy of everything. Mona, like everyone, believed this lie. And despised it.

Today, Mona saw every day how Sam was far from this cliché, how much she was more than that and how Mona could only, sadly, fall in love with her, now that she could see her for who she really was.

Sam Dean liked the animated movies of Miyazaki and horror movies, movies that she always laughed at, for the bad special effects or the characters' reactions. She loved sunglasses and collected them, and she was never shy in front of a camera, acting like a star, to the point that it was hard to say that she was not one. She hated red beans, action movies and the cold. She had this habit of running her hand in her hair when she was stressed and she smiled often, whether she was happy or not. She had the mentality of a leader and she knew how to talk to get people to listen to her. She was strong, independent and smart. She was also brave and cared for others, even if she wished people did not see that.

She was this girl we saw in this vlog, thousands of years ago, who gave compliments and had fun with everyone, but who was a thousand times better. Because she was human and imperfect. And Mona loved her. Stupidly.

But how could she have done otherwise ?

Everyone fell in love with Sam Dean, one way or another. She should have known that she was not immune herself to the charm, a little broken and terribly brillant, of the girl, the long legs under mini-skirts and high socks, and the playful winks.

Mona, who always thought that she was unattainable, was touched right in the heart.

So that explained why, for a few days now, she was avoiding Sam like she was the plague, her heart jumping every time she saw a bob of blond hair afar. As the right-hand woman of the queen Sam, it was obviously impossible to never talk to her or even to not see her. Mona was always forced, sooner or later, to come back to Sam to organize the camp or to talk about a special case, how to protect themselves from ghoulies or others clans, or which pair of sunglasses went best with which skirt… Because, yes, it was not enough, not only was she her right-hand woman, she was now her friend too.

Her best friend, even, if you took in consideration the fact that Sam still did not let anyone come near her. She was still intouchable. Except for Mona whom she let come near, she encouraged even, because Sam – she confessed to Mona later – has always been intrigued by Mona, has always wanted to know more about her. Now that Mona was gnawed at by her feelings, she did not know what to think of that, did not dare think of that because it gave her too much hope.

Obviously, Mona would have been naive to think that Sam would not notice her behavior, more cowardly than usual. That Mona was hostile was not new – she has not been hostile with Sam for a while though –, but she never let anyone get used to her being a coward.

"Mona."

It was Sam, with her soft and a bit hoarse voice that Mona could listen to for hours – but not today. Today, she wanted to run away from it, without knowing where to go.

She had not heard her arrive, and now, she was stuck between two steps, frozen, heart icy and skin burning.

"Sam", she answered, turning slightly, to glance over her shoulder and toward Sam who was at the bottom of the stairs.

"Can I talk to you ?" Sam asked, eyes straight and planted on her, like those of a predator, already climbing the steps towards her.

_No one__ can say no to her._

"You can. Not sure I listen to you, that said", Mona managed to grunt, clinging to her usual hard, merciless front.

Sam smiled at her, as if she knew her better than that and, sadly for Mona, it was the case. She stopped herself one step lower than Mona and Mona was irritated to find that, like this, they were the same height. _Fucking small height._ She tried to ignore the heat that went to her head at the same time. It was annoyance. Nothing but annoyance. Yeah.

"You're avoiding me", Sam remarked, bluntly and still smiling, even though her eyes were not.

Mona did not know what to say. She did not like to lie, found it stupid when the truth was _right here_. Unfortunately, she had never considered that one day, she would not want to say the truth and that she would be afraid of it.

She preferred not to say anything then, letting Sam believe what she wanted. Her face must have said more than she wanted, however, because Sam stopped smiling, frowned and asked, harder :

"Why ?"

"It's none of your business", Mona replied, quickly and stupidly, like an immature child.

"Oh really ?", Sam said, looking vaguely offended. "You want to play like that ?"

"I'm not playing at anything, you're the one getting upsed for nothing."

Mona immediately regretted having said that. One, because it was not true and she did not believe that herself. Two, because she knew that what Saw heard was _« You're the one getting upsed to not have everyone's attention »_. Too many people had called her an attention whore for her to not interpret it like that.

Sam squinted her blue eyes, opened her mouth without anything coming out of it and, then, finally, shaked her head and said, in cold anger :

"I do not imagine that you are avoiding me. You _are_ avoiding me. I'm not getting upsed for nothing. You're the one being a bad friend and a bad right-hand women for some time now. If you don't want to tell me, fine ! But you should give your badge to someone else."

And she turned on her heels, quickly walking down the steps, her blond hair bouncing off her shoulders and her fists clenched by her sides.

"W–wait !" finally called Mona, heart beating like crazy and her brain insulting her (for having taken so long to decide to chase after Sam ? for, on the contrary, do it at all ? for everything, no doubt). "Sam !"

Sam stopped, at the bottom of the stairs, and looked at Mona from below, making her look even more furious (Mona could not help saying to herself that Sam really was not scary when she was mad… she looked like an upset puppy). Mona took a step forward to get closer to her, without even thinking about what she was going to say (first, sorry, okay, but after, _what_ ?).

And she missed the step.

Her heart fell at the same time as her, her heel knocked on a step and she had time to think that there were only six steps, roughly, it should be fine, except that she was going to fall on Sam… _Oh my God, I'm falling on Sam._

And she fell on Sam.

Which ultimately kept her from smashing on the ground, face first, but twisted her wrist when she tried to avoid crushing Sam in her fall.

"Oww !" she groaned, resting on her another arm and gently lifting her painful left wrist from the floor.

"Ouch…", said Sam, bringing her arms between both of their bodies and massaging her elbow."

It was only then that they realized their proximity and their eyes met. One of Mona's braids was brushing Sam's neck and Sam's fingers have stopped, trembling, near Mona's belly. Mona could not even savor the red that rose slightly to Sam's cheeks because she was too busy panicking.

"Oh, sorry, wait !" she exclaimed, not knowing where to look and breathing heavy. "Wait, wait, I'm moving…"

"Mona", Sam whispered, making Mona stop abruptly from moving.

She was looking at her lips. Sam was looking at her lips. Oh.

"Mona, tell me what is going on", Sam continued, her eyelids shaking as her eyes went back to Mona's ones.

"I…", started Mona before stopping roughly, surprised by the hoarse sound coming out of her mouth.

She cleared her throat, lost in the ocean of Sam's eyes. It was time. She had no choice. She was going to say it.

_Come on, Mona, don't __chicken out now__, motherfucker. Not this time._

"I love you, Sam", she said, voice still hoarse. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry ?" Sam said in a murmur, raising her hand to her cheek, caressing it gently.

"I'm sorry for what I said just before, and also because you… you have already gone out with boys… no ?" replied Mona, before raising her eyebrows, suddenly a lot less sure of the heterosexuality of Sam Dean, queen of Glendale High School. "You like girls ?"

She had whispered it, not daring to believe it, as if it was a secret too precious to be said out loud. For the moment.

"I like girls", replied Sam in the same tone with a huge smile. "I love one."

"You…"

"Her name is Mary, though she prefers to be called Mona. Mona Lisa. She's strong… and cares for people she likes, even if she never wants to show it. She likes hot chocolate and violets. She always cares for me when it's cold. She loves romantic comedies but, once again, she doesn't want it to be known. She has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen and, sometimes, I can not turn away from them and I forget everything that is going on around… No, no, don't laugh, it's true ! One day, I told her that she had the best tits, and it's still true, even if she was right to tell me to fuck off at the time…"

"I do have the best tits", Mona stated, because she really wanted to make up for their first chaotic exchange about her tits, and also, because if Sam did not shut up right now, she was probably going to start doing something as ridiculous as crying of joy.

They laughed for a moment, together, and, inevitably, stopped, their eyes overflowed by happiness and pleasure, deep into each other.

"Sam…", Mona said, low and quiet. "Can I…"

"Yes", Sam cut her and, slipping her other hand in the back of her neck, she kissed her.

Mona did not remember ever feeling such elation one day in her life. She wanted time to stop when she would only live of the contact of Sam's lips on hers, her hands on her, her smile against her…

But, obviously, she has twisted her wrist so she suddenly could not rest anymore on her other arm, numb from having supported her weight for so long.

"Aaah…", she straightened up, Sam following the movement, not wanting to move their lips away and whining when she had to. "I think I twisted my arm."

"Worth it", replied immediately Sam, a mischievous smile on her lips before bursting into laughter.

"Eh !" protested Mona without being really serious.

"I'll take care of you, I'll treat you…", Sam added before placing a kiss on the hurt wrist. "I'll kiss it better."

"I'm not going to survive", said Mona, without realizing it, staring at Sam as if she had just stabbed her.

"Hmm ?"

"You're too much for me, _ma reine_", she whispered before kissing Sam again – because she could do that now.

Hours after that, Mona still had sore cheeks for smiling so much and tingling lips from all the kisses she had received and from all those she would receive again.

Also, she had Sam's warmth around her, their arms and legs intertwined and her heartbeat under her ear to rock her to sleep.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Voilà !

It's not much but if you have time to say if you liked it, it would be kind :))

Bye !


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